Letters To My Love

It’s fine for you to take space when you need it but I need to know that you’ll be back. Please give me a time frame and check-in so I know you still care.

If you want me in your life, then put me there. I need to know that you actually want me there and you’re not just accommodating what I want.

I want to know what your needs and boundaries are. I’d rather have you communicate something to me when you think it might hurt me than leave me to try and figure it out on my own. If I’m too much, tell me. Maybe we can find a middle ground. Maybe we can’t. At least we’d know we tried. I think that’s the hardest thing for me is that it feels like we didn’t have a chance. When I let my insecurities take hold, it makes me feel like i wasn’t worth taking a chance for. Deep down I know it’s not true but it still hurts like it is.

I hope you know that I haven’t, don’t, and won’t ever judge you. If i said anything that ever mad you feel differently, I want you to know it wasn’t ever judgment. It was jealousy. I’m jealous that she has the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for so long for. I needed to walk away because I couldn’t be a friend to you when my heart was falling to pieces in my hands. I wish I had been stronger for you.

You can’t call me “your love” one day and then completely ghost me to tell me that you’re spending a week with another love interest. I know i shouldn’t hang on things like this, but I do. When I read that, it got my hopes up. I let my hope run away with me. When I came back down, it felt like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t breathe. I felt so stupid. I threw up. I’m fully aware of the areas in which I need work and growth. I wish you were as open with me in sharing yours.

I feel so stupid sitting here crying and pouring my heart out. Pretending like you’ll read this one day. There are so many amazing things that are happening in my life, but without you, it just doesn’t seem complete. I wish i could reach out to you, but I don’t think you want me in your life. So I just watch what I can from afar. I try to find things and people that ease the heartbreak that I’m still struggling with.

I wish you missed me half as much as I miss you.

i wonder if you understand just how much love I have for you. I wonder if you care. If you do and you just can’t handle it. I wish you’d tell me so I can learn how to love you better because you’re worth someone trying to figure you out.