Letters To My Love

I am not nor will I ever be a morning person. The only thing I do like about mornings is breakfast and morning sex and those are never a guarantee. I’m also more melancholy in the mornings. When my dreams trigger something and I lay there ruminating on it while the tears fall. Especially after I bring myself to the tipping point. It’s at times, like these, that i really question how deep my masochistic tendencies lie. Its pleasure followed quickly by pain. I dont know how to stop it. it’s such a consistent wave of feelings. What is it about this that I secretly like? Why can’t I just enjoy something. I just want to be wrapped up in the arms of someone I trust someone I care for someone I can count on. I just feel empty.

I try my best to combat these feelings with puppy snuggles and my positive affirmations. I truly love who I am, though I’m just uncomfortable sitting in it sometimes. In the past, I’ve just shut this part of myself off. I’m actually really good at disassociating at times. I’m trying something new by not allowing myself to. I feel everything, and I feel it deeply, and it always seems to leave my body through tears.