Letters To My Love

I had a dream last night I had this feeling that something was happening to my Dad though I had never met him. This driver took me to an apartment building and told me he was staying in #4. When I walked in there were strange apartment numbers. 1&3/4, 4&1/4, 2&1/2, but no whole numbers. When I finally looked at the stairwell I noticed that apartments 1,2,3, and 4 were up the stairs. When I knocked on the door a woman that I knew answered the door it felt like she was family but not. My father was dying. After he passed the same driver was taking me home. We were driving along Lake shore drive and there was a heard of zebras off the the right next to the lake. Out of nowhere it felt like someone kissed me on the mouth. A deep kiss that took my breath away. I woke up.

It felt like that kiss was you, my love.

I could still feel the phantom kiss on my lips as I came to. My thoughts drifted to you. Laying on two couches pushed together. The first time we made love. The way you held me as I cried when I took you inside me the first time. I was in love with you already. Reality sinks in as my body shakes with the aftershocks of my orgasm. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach and came back up in a wave of agony. I laid there sobbing for an hour. All I can think of is the picture that you created that said “that’s when I realized you weren’t coming back” and I wanted to scream.

There are days like today where I want to scream and beat your chest so that you’ll listen to me. That you’ll hear me when I say I never left. I just needed time to heal and wanted you to choose me.

It feels shameful to love you like I do. I refuse to feel shame for that. I will wear my love for you because it makes me stronger and shine brighter in the hopes that it will lead you back to me someday.